Monday, November 29, 2010

The Joy of Winning vs. The Pain of Losing

A few days before the big weekend of turkey and football I saw the following quote on ESPN.com regarding the Iron Bowl, the big Alabama - Auburn rivalry -- “The fear of losing the game is worse than the joy of winning and participating.” That statement came from David Housel, retired athletic director at Auburn and it was repeated during the game by Gary Danielson, one of the CBS broadcasters covering the game.

There’s a principle of influence know as scarcity which illustrates David Housel’s point; people are more motivated by what they stand to lose as opposed to what they stand to gain. It the simplest terms; if you’re like the vast majority of people you’d feel more pain by losing $100 than the pleasure you’d get by finding or winning $100. According to some behavioral economic studies, the pain you’d feel would be about twice as great as the pleasure.

Was Alfred, Lord Tennyson correct when he wrote, “Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?” I’m willing to bet some who loved, lost and never loved again might beg to differ with him. I’m not advocating avoiding love, but you’d do well to consider deeply who you give your heart to because the potential pain could be worse than the perceived joy.

So how can this bit of insight into scarcity help you? Two ways; motivating people to action and avoiding unwanted or unnecessary actions on your part.

If you want to motivate people to action then you want to tap into scarcity. When you make a request of another, is there a legitimate downside if the person doesn’t take the action you suggest? If so then you want to make the downside part of your request. Where I work we have to renew our benefits each year by selecting exactly what we want. Signaling the deadline – if you don’t select your benefits by November 19 you won’t have any – is a surefire way to get people to act because no one wants to lose their health benefits.

On the flip side there are some people who understand this principle but would use it in a less than ethical manner. For example, have you ever had a home repair salesman (roofing, siding, painting, etc.) come to your home and tell you at the end of the sales presentation, “This discounted price is only good today because I have so many other clients to see that if I have to make a return trip I won’t be able to offer you this price.” If you hear something like that, just toy with the salesman using a response along these lines, “So if I decide tomorrow that I want to go with you I can’t have this price? You’re telling me you’d rather go make another 90 minute presentation to someone who probably won’t buy instead of seeing me for about 15 minutes to make a guaranteed sale? Good luck being a successful salesman with that strategy!” Then you politely show them the door because you don’t need to deal with an unethical salesman.

There are times when supplies are in short order and scarcity might legitimately be at play but all too often the line I mentioned above it just that, a line. During the holiday season, sales end at certain times so you might need to act quickly but no matter what you should always pause to consider whether or not you’re making a decision based on the merits of the item you want to buy or are you rushing into the purchase because you’re afraid of losing some perceived opportunity. Fact is, sales come and go so often that it’s seldom we truly lose an opportunity for good.

Now when it comes to love, if you don’t ask that person out that you’ve had your eye on then you might just lose out if someone else acts first so give that some serious thought because love can be pretty awesome! Despite scarcity I’m in the camp to go for it and deal with the consequences later.

And by the way, Auburn won the Iron Bowl 28-27, keeping its national title hopes alive. I suspect the joy Auburn fans felt didn’t come close to the pain that was experienced by Alabama fans, especially because the game was played at Alabama and they had a 24-0 lead at one point in the game. Ouch!

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Monday, November 22, 2010

A Thanksgiving Message to People I'm Thankful For

In a few days most Americans will be celebrating Thanksgiving. There will be turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and lots more food to go along with a day of family and football. It's the day we pause to give thanks for all the blessings in our lives.

Rather than write a regular article I want to take this time to give thanks to many people who've been a blessing to me. That's the principle of liking at work! I encourage you to click on some names and perhaps send a Facebook friend request, follow someone on Twitter or connect with them on LinkedIn because they're all good, supportive, helpful people. That's a big reason for my thanks! It's not that they're just good to me; I think it's their nature so here's a chance to hook up with really good folks if you want to expand your social network.

I have to start with my wife Jane and our daughter Abigail. If you follow me on Facebook or have read this blog for any length of time then you know they're fodder for much of what I write. They're always great sports about it and they give as good as they get. You should take a look at some of our exchanges because they can be quite funny.

When it comes to this blog I'd like to start by saying thanks to Sean Patrick, Marco Germani, Yago de Marta and Hoh Kim. These guys continue to help my readers get a worldwide perspective on influence and persuasion. To see what they have to say tune in on the first Monday of each month for the Influencers from Around the World series.

Here are some other people who've been very helpful with this blog. George Black got me going on this blog simply because he encouraged me. Next is Mike Figliuolo who’s been a great resource for all my blogging questions. On several occasions I've written guest posts for Mike's blog, thoughtLEADERS, and he's returned the favor writing some posts for me. Then there's Michael Franzese who's provided some very cool drawings for Influence PEOPLE and designed my logo. To see more of his work and read some of his thoughts check out FranzeseInklings.

There are lots of Twitter friends who retweet my stuff consistently: James Sims, Marcy Depew, Matt Fox, Maureen Metcalf, Anthony Iannarino, Paul Hebert, Aaron Schaub, Steve Miller, Warren Davies, Jon Wortman, Jim Canterucci, Justin Bryant, Stella Collins, Eldon Edwards, and James Seay. To follow any of them on Twitter just click on their name.

Special thanks also need to go to several coworkers. First there’s Debbie Conkel who's proofread my work for more than 15 years now. She takes her own personal time to read through every blog post for me. Next is my boss John Petrucci. I could not work for a better leader and friend. Imagine the most supportive boss you can then multiply it many times over. And then there's Nancy Edwards, someone I look to for mentoring. It doesn't matter if we're face to face, on the phone or communicating by email; Nancy encourages me every time we interact.

When it comes to getting stuff done on the influence side, Chris Cibbarelli is my point person at Dr. Robert Cialdini's office, Influence At Work. No matter what I need, no matter how quickly, Chris is always there for me. To say she's a joy to work with would not be a strong enough statement.

Finally, I want to say thanks to all of you reading this today. Readership has now reached nearly 150 countries! That's not something I expected in my wildest dreams when I started blogging. The best gift I could give you to show my appreciation would be to help you find the kinds of online relationships I've found. That's why I hope you will take time to click on some names, start some conversations and make some connections. I know you'll be glad you did. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Secret to Happiness

As Thanksgiving approaches I thought it would be a good time to share something that I believe is a key to the secret to happiness. It's appropriate at this time because it involves giving thanks and praise. The secret to happiness can be summed up in the following proverb, "Happy is the man who wants what he has." I encourage you for just a moment to ponder these nine simple words:
Happy is the man who wants what he has.

Why do I believe this is a key to the secret to happiness? First, in life there are unlimited wants and desires but there's no way they will all be fulfilled. If you allow your focus to dwell on what you don't have or didn't achieve that's a sure recipe for discontentment.

Can you really choose your focus and impact your attitude? Psychologist Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor who spent three years in Nazi concentraion camps, believed you could and wrote in his classic book Man's Search for Meaning, "Everything can be taken away from a man or woman but one thing: the freedom to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
How does this tie into influence? As I've dwelt on that short phrase I've learned to make the choice to focus on what I have, not what I don't have. I try to focus on the good and not the bad. I'm far from perfect when it comes to this but the more I practice as time goes by the better I get.

As for influence I believe focusing on "Happy is the man who wants what he has" ties into the principle of liking. This is a simple principle of influence we're all familiar with; people generally like those who like them. When I teach about this principle something I share that causes people to pause and think is this; when you try to get someone to like you by tapping into similarities or offering up praise you begin to convince yourself that the other person is likable. In other words, the very same things that will probably cause them to like you will also cause you to like them. It's a double whammy for your effort!

So how does this play out for me and how can it help you? If you follow me on Facebook you know I post lots of comments about my wife, Jane, and our daughter, Abigail. Most are meant to be funny and sometimes people who don't know me think I'm living on the edge. I suspect they think I spend many nights sleeping on the couch as punishment for my humorous posts. But, I can honestly say they only nights spent on the couch were the ones where I fell asleep watching television.

What I also try to do with those Facebook posts is praise the ones I love. I've had many people comment on how much they can see I love both Jane and Abigail. Whether I post a nice comment, tell someone in person, or make sure to verbalize something positive to Jane or Abigail, liking begins to work on me. If I'm constantly telling people how wonderful, smart, funny, beautiful, etc., they are, don't you think that makes me appreciate them even more? You bet it does!

Now let's be honest, using an example of our significant other. There will always be someone who is better looking, funnier, or more intelligent. You can fill in the trait and there's someone who is "more" than your significant other. However, we can still make the choice to focus on them and all that they are. I tell people if God had come to me and said I could make the perfect mate I would not have gotten someone as wonderful as Jane because I would not have been creative enough nor had enough faith in God. When I think of all I have with her I would not have believed that someone would really embody all that she does. The more I choose to focus on that, the more I appreciate and love her. Is she perfect? Nope, but then neither am I.

So I have a challenge for you as we approach Thanksgiving. Start making the choice today to focus on what you have. That could be your spouse, family, home, friends, job or anything else. Make the choice to focus on the positive and appreciate those people and things. I really believe if you do so, liking will work on you causing you to find more peace, contentment and happiness.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Monday, November 8, 2010

PEOPLE - The Hope and Hurdle of Leaders

Last month I had a wonderful opportunity to address a group of people at Franklin University's monthly Hall Leadership Lessons breakfast gathering. What made the experience extra special for me was the fact that my mom, wife and daughter were all in attendance. As if that were not enough, I had about two dozen friends show up along with many co-workers from State Auto Insurance.

My talk centered on using scientifically proven ways to be a more effective leader. If you think about leadership it implies having people to lead -- followers, if you will. As wonderful as it might look on the surface to be a leader, leading people is hard work! There are ups and downs, good and bad, positive and negative when it comes to being a leader because of the people.

I think you'd agree that no leader goes it alone and everyone who's had a major impact on the world did so by leading others. Jack Welsh, former CEO of General Electric, said, "Nearly everything I've done in my life has been accomplished with other people." Some of you reading this might be thinking, sure Jack Welch can say that because he ran GE and could simply tell people what to do or fire them. Not so fast!

Despite what people might think, very few leaders just tell people what to do. Lyndon B. Johnson, the 36th president of the United States once said, "The only real power available to the leader is the power of persuasion." Some people say the President is the most powerful person on earth and yet even the president has to win over voters, congressmen and senators.

So leadership happens through people and the best leaders are often the best persuaders. It all sounds good until we confront this reality, "Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem you face, especially if you’re in business." That statement was made more than 75 years ago by Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People. Don't think this applies just to leading followers. While leaders primarily lead those who report directly to them, quite often they have to also get their bosses and peers to buy in to ideas. Now it's getting complicated.

So when it comes to leadership people are our hope and our hurdle, our blessing and curse. Leaders will never accomplish great things without a strong supporting cast and getting that same supporting cast to buy into the vision and properly execute it is the ultimate challenge for the leader.

I like to say influence is all about PEOPLE - Powerful EverydayOpportunities to Persuade that are Lasting and Ethical. Understanding Robert Cialdini's six principles of influence will allow you to ethically leverage human psychology and make it much more likely to hear that word all leaders want to hear when they make a request of others -- "Yes!"

The same day as the Franklin presentation I was interviewed by Audley Stephenson for his weekly blog, Hard Court Leadership Lessons. The focus of that conversation was also influence and leadership so if you'd like to learn more click here to listen to that interview.

Thanks for reading and a special thanks to those of you who took time to come down to Franklin University at 7:30 a.m. last month. I thank you for sacrificing a little sleep in order to learn how to ethically influence in order to be a more effective leader.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Influencers from Around the World - Anti-Social Proof

This month’s Influencers from Around the World post is from Yago De Marta. If you’ve followed along in this series then you know Yago hails from Spain and travels quite often to Latin America. He is a public speaking coach and media trainer with much of his work centering on politicians and businessmen. You can connect with Yago on Facebook and LinkedIn.

Brian, CMCT
influencepeople
Helping You Learn to Hear “Yes”.

Anti-Social Proof

Every single day we see examples of the power of influence of social proof. As we are surrounded by people it is logical to think social proof is the principle of influence that occurs more often, widely and systematically in society. We strive to dress differently and end up dressing just like everyone else. We try to be independent and then just listen to the same music that millions of others do. We look for reasons to justify our support for our football team or our political party, but in the end, in all these activities lies the power of social proof in a persistent and powerful way.

No matter how high we build the buildings; no matter how beautiful our musical compositions are and no matter if one day we are able to unravel the mysteries of the atom we are animals. Remember that – we are animals. So we learn something while we watch a group of monkeys or the organization of ants. In this sense it is worth noting the work of a Mexican that has been going on for more than ten years in California. There Cesar Millan rehabilitates dogs with problems. To look beyond their training sessions is a lesson of the continued use of Reciprocity, Consistency, Liking, Scarcity, and Authority. But what catches my attention most is the therapeutic use of Social Proof.

All of this reminds me of the examples shown in Robert Cialdini’s book Influence Science and Practice about the process of overcoming phobias. In the case of Cesar Millan, he uses the pack (the group) to rehabilitate dogs. It’s curious to see it especially with the more contentious dogs. Cesar introduces a dog to the pack and the new dog gradually learns the correct behavior with the strength of the group. The process is more than observation and learning. The process is more like entering into a large wave that pushes you and your attempts to resist beyond.

We know from Millan's pack example that social proof is powerful, but what is its limit? If we define a perfect environment to implement this principle it would not be unusual to choose the following:

- Number: The number of people determines the power of influence.

- Time: The more exposure the greater the influence of the group.

- Context: When the group is joined by the historical time and perfect place the greater the influence.

- Authority: When group has an Authority reference the influence is increased.

Let’s shift gears now and look at probably the most important example of “Anti-Social Proof” in history. This is a tribute to all who have ever been able to resist and get out of the wave. These are the people who write our history!

August Landmesser was a worker in Blohm und Voss shipyard in Hamburg, Germany. In 1931 he had joined the NSDAP (National Socialist German Workers Party) hoping to get a job through their membership of the party. In 1938 he was taken prisoner by the Gestapo, who condemned him for “Rassenschande.” Article 2 of the Law for the Protection of German Blood and Honor. That article prohibits the extra-marital sexual relations between Jews and Germans.

In 1935, his request for marriage to a woman was rejected due to the Jewish origin of the future wife of August. After several trials, Landmesser was finally sentenced to two and half years of hard labor in the concentration camp Börgermoor.

August Landmesser became known in history because of a photograph in which he is seen with his arms crossed. It was at the christening of the boat (now a school) of the German navy Horst Wessel in 1936. That day, the Fuehrer Adolf Hitler was present at Hamburg, when August refused to greet him as the thousands of comrades who worked in the shipyards did.

In early 1941 August was forced to work in factory that produced cars for the army. After that he was forced to join the I Battalion "999." From the end of that year forward there was never any news about him. Maybe he died in one of the battles in which the battalion participated.

The lesson we get is this: Maybe we are surrounded by thousands of people; maybe we are supposed to act like the rest; maybe we are inside the perfect wave (the perfect backdrop) but we always have the ability to choose our behavior, we always have the last autonomous capacity to decide and break against the wave instead of riding along with it.

August took his decision at the time of history where Social Proof and Authority were not known as Principles of Influence. They were the law and he could find the force among the thousands of people around him.

However, it is worth reflecting on the importance of the number of people. With so many people around, he felt protected as it was difficult to notice him. That is, it is assumed that if there had been a dozen or so people around him he would have raised his harm. If you are interested in learning more about this story visit these sites:

http://www.fasena.de/courage/english/5a.htm
http://www.freiburger-rundbrief.de/de/?item=545

Yago